Monday, 17 November 2014

Toddler Tantrums

Today has been a very trying day- we've never had a tantrum like it, and I hope we don't again. 

We were out shopping and Alfie was walking about- when we got to the car park. I put him in his pushchair, he wouldn't sit down and was stood in it with his legs stiff so i decided that he could walk around the shops as he does like being a big boy and he gets so proud wandering around so I put his reins on and off we set to the shop. At first he was fine, he wandered around happily until I tried to get him to come the way I needed to go to get him some wellie socks and then the screaming started. He stood still, stamped his feet and was screaming. I was very self conscious as everyone was looking at us both so I was trying to calm him down, I manged to pick him up and move him towards the boys clothes without anymore screaming.  He still didn't want to go where I asked but he wasn't as bad as he was holding his wellie socks. 

The worst was yet to come- he was screaming, crying, laying on the floor and crawling in next- I felt like a rubbish parent that I couldn't control my child and I felt that people were looking at me thinking 'she obviously can't look after her child'... And they're right!! I obviously can't.

Why is my child kicking off when he doesn't get his own way- please tell me that he grows out of this!! What can I do to stop this happening? 

He likes being independent but he is only one and a half so a toddler of that age can't run wild. He knows what he wants but he can't also tell me- he points to what he wants but he doesn't quite understand that I need to do things aswell as him.

I literally feel so drained today and I know it's maybe the 'terrible twos' so i have to grow some balls and not care what others think and parent my way! I am quite proud as I kept calm and a few strangers were smiling and reassured me that I wasn't doing anything wrong. 

Let's hope tomorrow is a less tantrumed filled day! 

Saturday, 8 November 2014

The end is in sight.. PND

The end of my PND is in sight, the light isn't too far down the tunnel -however its not quite in arms reach.
I've said from the start that I didn't want to be haunted by my mental illness so I'm not letting it happen. I've been on my tablets for seven months and I decided that it was time to get on with my life so I've spoke to my doctor and she agreed that lowing my dose of medication is the next step I should be taking towards my new state of mental health.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying its going to be an easy ride but I'm so ready for this- I'm focused- I'm prepared and I'm strong.
It's now day five of my lower dose of medication, I've gone from taking a tablet a day to taking one every other day. Surprisingly, I feel good. I expected it to be hard but from all of the support of friends, family and my readers I know I can do this.
Zach and I have rekindled our romance and I think I've come on leaps and bounds in my recovery as I'm so happy and content again.
I am a strong person, I didn't think I was but I know for a fact I am. I've been through the hardest days of my life and I'm still here.
I have one person to thank for the focus I have right now and that's Alfie. He's my rock, he cant talk and would not of known what was happening when I was really ill but he's saved my life. Everytime I feel low, I just look at my baby and a massive smile appears out of no where. He's my rock and I owe him a lot.
Here's to be the best mum I can be to my little guy.

Thursday, 30 October 2014

My Daily Routine, Written by Alfie

Hello all mummy's friends, 
I'm Alfie. Mummys son.. 
Well you should know that by now. She talks about me on this blog all the time and she puts enough pictures on Twitter and Instagram of me posing! (I love the camera! :).) 

I've written my daily routine for you all to enjoy, the routine doesn't always go to plan if I don't want to nap or mummy has planned something for us to do. But this is a general routine of mine and mums;  

5-6AM- Wake up& shout at mummy for 10mins until she decides to finally wake up. Recently I've been waking up at 4- she pretends she's tired but she loves the extra time she gets to spend with me, Obviously!!!! Snuggles in bed, while watching the CBeebies advert thing repeating over and over again.. until I decide i want to go down for some Milk then I will shout juice and pull her out of bed! 

6-7AM- Milk, Play and CBeebies.

7-8AM- Play with family before School, University, College and Work. They always end up leaving late but pushing me around in my mini is so much more important. 

8-9AM- Breakfast- sometimes I want abit of everything. I like a choice but then I can't eat it all so it gets chucked in the bin. I'm so fussy.

9-10AM- Head to bed for a nap, this is where the fun starts.. Sometimes I'll just stand in my cot shouting mummy for an hour or chat to monkey about what we are going to do today. I do play up because I know mummy wants a cup of tea and breakfast. If I hear the kettle boiling, I will start shouting! Mummy just waits until I settle down, if she didn't I would just play all day. I hate having a nap!

10-12PM- Have a 2 hour nap, While mummy does housework, showers and gets ready. Sometimes if I hear her get out the shower, I'll wake up so that she doesn't have to time to do her hair and make up! Hehe! I'm so funny!

12-1PM Dinner.. then mummy gets me dressed for the day. She used to get me dressed before dinner but I like to play with my food and my clothes get mucky so after a few months she's finally realised its best to get me dressed afterwards.

(Not a flattering picture at all, cheers mum) 

1-4-30PM Out and about. If mummy doesn't know what to do, we go for a walk to the park which is down the road from our house and walk through the woods. We look for squirrels, watch the quack quacks swim around and then we go on the play area. I do love the swings and the slide and I kick off when it's time to go home! Sometimes mummy takes us to asda or next. She wanders around looking at the clothes and trying silly hats on me. She thinks it's hilarious and I'm just like.. Ok mum, it's embarrassing!

4-30-6PM we then come home for Tea, I don't really like eating meals. I'm fussy so I chuck it all on the floor. I just want yogurts and sweeties. After tea. I will play with my toys, until it's time for my bath. I usually play with my aunties while mummy gets everything ready for my bath. 

6-6-30PM BATHTIME!! My favourite time of the day, I love splashing about, playing with my ducks and trying to drink the bath water. Mummy doesn't like me drinking it, that's why I do it! 

6-30-7PM- Snuggles, then bed. Mummy always baths me earlier than needed so that she can have a cuddle with me before she puts me in my cot. It's more of a wrestling match though because, I don't stay still. I would rather get the toys out my toy box and get the remote and change the channel on the tele. Mummy enjoys CBeebies more than I do, she just pretends she doesn't like it! When mummy has had enough of chasing me round the room, she puts me in my cot, tucks me in, gives me a kiss and tells me she loves me. She puts the monitor on and switches the light off and leaves me to go to sleep. It doesn't take me long to fall asleep after that because I have such a long day playing and I'm knackered. Then I drift off to sleep and dream about the park and what adventures we'll get up to tomorrow! 

Thanks for reading my mummy's blog, love Alfie