On my last post about 5months ago I had been diagnosed with PND. It was a horrible time for me, Alfie and my whole family as I hit rock bottom but you'll be pleased to know. I'm finally feeling back to the old me.
I was in a very dark place, I didn't want to do anything, I would sit on my bed just shaking, and I was scared of myself. It really was awful, but it wasn't me. Depression is an awful illness, you literally can't control what your thinking and however hard you to try to block things from your head and think positive, something inside you keeps telling you to think about the horrible things. I wanted to run away from it all, I thought Alfie would be better off without me and I felt like a rubbish mum for even getting this in the first place.
Thinking back to it now, I'm so proud of myself for getting through it. I can be quite a sensitive person but I managed to stand up against this illness and come
out the other side. I am so proud of my son Alfie, he wasn't even one when I got diagnosed but he was so good and loving towards me. He would give me cuddles and kisses and come and rest his head on my knee. He was good as gold and in a way he saved my life.
It's so amazing when you start to feel you again, it makes you appreciate what you have even more than before. Especially because of Alfie, it's been even more amazing. I adore being a mummy to my clever little man and actually love doing mummy things now. I take Alfie out a lot, we go on days with other mummies and babies and I've met some lovely people that I know will be friends for life.
I have so much more patience with Alfie now and I love seeing him grow into a cheeky little monkey. He's so well behaved and he is a credit to me. Everyone says what a lovely little boy he is, he smiles and waves to everybody. He's so friendly and sociable.
Now I feel more happy in my self I want to get out the house, even an hour walk makes me feel better. It's exercise for me and Alfie loves searching for pinecones and conkers at the moment. I love autumn and I'm looking forward to everything to come.
It's so easy to feel like giving up when your down but don't. Be strong and stand up.
I haven't wrote a letter on here for a long while but you know mummy hasn't been very well. And you've been an absolute diamond. Your a very special little boy and blessing to me. You've made me happy and got me through each day when I felt like I couldn't. You made me strong and put the smile back on my face, you cheeky monkey!
You've changed a lot since the last update on here, it's been 5months! You are a very active little boy- walking, running and jumping everywhere. Your so quick at running and you actually can run quicker than mummy and daddy sometimes. Your favourite place is the park and we take your football and you run around for hours. You loves the swings and slides at the park and we've had quite a few tantrums when we've had to go home for tea recently. Cheeky!!
You go up the stairs by yourself and come down on your bum. Even though it's scary for me, you know what your doing and are so very proud and have a massive smile on your face.
You are a friendly little boy and everyone we meet says your a gorgeous boy with a cheeky smile and a funny personality. It makes me very proud to know that everyone thinks your a star. No one can be more proud than I am of you!
You spend the weekend with your daddy and love it. As soon as you see him your face lights up. You love it at his house now as your cousin Oliver lives there and you love spending time with your baby cousin.
Mummy and daddy have been getting on very well and spending a lot of time together. You are so happy and excited when we all go out for tea. You constantly have a massive smile on your face and mummy and daddy are very happy too. Me and daddy have planned lots of days out for me, you and him and we can't wait to do them with you.